Attack on Titan with Portals
by CatfoodLiverwurst
Summary: What would happen if portal guns were invented to aid humans in their war against the titans?
1. Chapter 1: PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1

A really long time ago, (hundreds of years ago) there lived a carefree village with carefree citizens. Some of them ran shops, some of them were farmers, and some of them were chimney sweeps and door to door salesmen and lots of other things. They lived in a little town whose name has been lost to the ages.

But the important thing about the town was that it was inside of the first wall, because the world was populated by titans! Titans are the morally ambiguous creatures that eat humans for fun and they live all over the place and they are awful, so the only places where little towns like this could be safe was inside the walls. I wonder if the walls as a whole have names or are they just called Walls or something? Anyway, the town was cute and carefree and nestled safe inside of the wall the way a penguin egg is nestled safely on a father penguin's feet and crotch-flap.

There were three walls, each with their own name and varying levels of security. Why am I repeating this is you have already watched the show? You should know this by now. Anyway, the cute little town was busy with hustle and bustle and being cute. A bread maker waved his baked wares in the face of an uninterested passerby. A precocious child stopped to pick up a shiny coin they found on the sidewalk. A typically gloomy teenager lounged in a lemon tree, reading a book on something or other. A woman disinterestedly plucked another grey hair from her head as she hoped that her husband hadn't noticed during breakfast that morning. The wall guards were busy getting crunk, as wall guards tend to do. (Some things never change.)

Suddenly, a shadow was cast over the cute little town!

IT WAS A REALLY BIG TITAN! Dare I say it, a colossal titan! It was HUGE! It was staring at the town over the wall! It had really bad teeth and a lazy eye and it looked like it wanted to eat them!

Panic engulfed the town, and the townspeople scattered like a flock of birds scatters when some jerk throws a rock to try and hit two birds with one stone and they think they stand the best chance of accomplishing this by chucking a rock into a flock of birds. The birds were crows. There was one casualty, via rock. The rock thrower did not accomplish their goal and the birds got together later to mourn their stoned comrade. It was like that.

But instead of it being a single rock, it was a big titan, and they invited all of their little titan buddies for a human buffet! Since this colossal titan wasn't strong enough to break the wall, he (I'm assuming it's a he but you can't be too sure) started grabbing the smaller titans and throwing them over the wall. It was raining titans! Since they were titans they didn't get hurt, and when they recovered from the fall they lumbered around stuffing humans into their mouths and eating them. It was CHAOS!

Soon, the titans were full and go bored, so they wandered off to another place to do whatever it is that titans do in their spare time. The town was in ruins. Buildings were pushed over, giant footsteps had trampled the flowerbeds, and someone had chewed the roof of the church off. Everyone was dead, except for the boy who was reading in the lemon tree.

In shock, he closed his book on quantum mechanics and surveyed the destruction of his hometown. The titans had ignored him in the lemon tree because lemons are sour, and titans will not eat lemons. The boy picked a lemon and squeezed it really hard, pretending it was a titan's stupid head. Lemon juice ran down his arm and got into one of his hangnails, making it sting like hell but it increased his resolve even further.

The boy's name was Cave Johnson, and at that moment he swore to invent something that would aid in the war against the titans!


	2. Chapter 2: APERTURE SCIENCE?

Chapter 2

HUNDREDS OF YEARS LATER

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were all hanging out together and being friends. They were sitting on top of the wall while the rest of the survey corps hung out elsewhere. If the three of them were to invoke the three-friend stereotypes of beauty, brains, and brawn, Mikasa would be the brawny beauty with brains, Armin would be the brainy beauty with brawn, and Eren would be Eren because even though he was the protagonist, he had no characteristics aside from a permanent shonen frown and an intense desire to kill all the titans. Which got confusing because Eren could turn into a titan, and if he could turn into a titan that raised the question if he was increasing the titan population by 1 every time he transformed, and if so was this going against his very nature, and in the end he didn't think too hard about that and just went around screaming about how he would kill all the titans. When he turned into a titan he was good at doing heavy lifting and getting things off of high shelves, but that was about it.

The survey corps were taking a break from exploring, because they had found the remains of an old smashed up town that they didn't know existed, and mysterious old smashed-up things tended to be pretty important, plot-wise. The three amigos (Eren, Mikasa, and Armin) were hanging out by themselves while the rest of the team explored a little bit or took naps under trees. Sasha tried plucking a lemon from one of the trees and eating it, but it was sour and she decided to save it in her pocket for later. Connie and Ymir were playing a game of catch with a lemon. Jean was taking a nap, and everyone else was doing stuff.

Annie was wandering around looking aloof and sketchy like she always looked, when she suddenly fell down a hidden shaft with a ladder down it! "What the fuck?!" shouted Reiner as he jumped down the hole after her in case she was in trouble. He forgot to grab the ladder and hit the bottom of the hole an undetermined amount of time later when the rest of the team heard the barely audible "thump" that was Reiner hitting the ground and maybe landing on top of Annie too, but they were at the bottom of a hole so it was hard to tell whether or not he handed on her.

Everyone crowded around the hole, unsure of what to do. "How deep do you think it is?" said Jean, who was woken up from his nap. "Dunno" said Berthold. Ymir dropped the lemon from the game of catch down the hole, and several seconds later there was a muffled "ow!" from Annie at the bottom.

"Looks deep" said Ymir.

Eren, being the shonen protagonist he was, decided to go down the ladder first. The rest of the survey corps followed suit. The shaft went miles down into the ground, and was made of crudely welded metal things and covered in a strange dust that made them cough and cover their noses with their shirts. Levi was not happy about all the dust, and wiped each ladder rung with a moist towelette before he grabbed it. Naturally, we went last in the group, dropping discarded towelettes on everyone as the group descended deeper and deeper and deeper into the ground. The hole went on for a while because it was so deep.

And then everyone was at the bottom, and they all stood around in a group and GASPED because they had ended up in a place that was like no place they had ever seen! It looked like an old crusty science facility, which is exactly what it was. And it was the bad kind of crusty, not the kind of crusty you desire from something like a fresh-baked apple pie that's made from some apples that you picked form Grandma's tree in the backyard and then you made a pie together and she let you lick the bowl and then hours later the pie was baked and had a heavenly perfect crust on top. (I want pie now sorry.) No, it was the bad kind of crusty. The kind that happens when you don't touch or wash a place for a very long time. There were pants and leaves growing out of some of the walls. And there was some dirt on the sciencey-looking floor. It was crusty.

A mechanical arm reached down from the ceiling and shoved a weird gun into Armin's arms even though Eren noticed first and was reaching out for the gun because he was the protagonist and he felt that he should have the gun but Armin got it anyway. At the same time, some panels from the walls lifted up to reveal some less crusty panels, and some panels lifted off the floor to reveal a weird red button! There was something that looked like a weird cube dispenser, and behind a wall the group could hear little childlike voices!

Finally, an orange portally-looking thing made of energy opened up in the wall in front of them. Krista reached forward to poke it but it didn't go anywhere. Berthold tried kicking it, but nothing happened. Sasha tried throwing the lemon at it, but that didn't do anything either so she picked up the bruised lemon and put it back in her pocket.

"What the heck is this place?" asked Marco.

'I'm glad you asked that!" said a joyful old man voice that came out of nowhere! "My name is Cave Johnson, and if you are hearing this then that means you found my facility! Welcome to Aperture Science, new test subjects! UH, I mean, VOLUNTEERS!"

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
